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« Stage Two : Caution | Main | Relocating my Oakland Office! »

Stages of Trust


I am finally settled in beautiful Alameda and love my office! Thank you everyone for being so patient with me as I am adjusting and have a myriad of things to do to successfully move my practice. In recent months, I noticed a commmon theme that keeps coming up with my clients in their relationships, issues around TRUST!

In all Relationships the most important thing relationships must have is trust. Without trust, relationships cannot grow. Without trust, there is fear, and where there is fear, love goes in hiding. Dave Willis, founder of Stronger Marriages, describes six stages relationships must go through to develop enduring trust. Trust happens in stages. Picture a target with six concentric circles, with the outer circle as stage one and the bull’s eye as stage six.

1.Connection: This is when we have chemistry on the first date or first time meeting the person. “We just click.” When we have it, we go to stage 2.

2. Caution: In this stage we go in the relationship with caution. You must be careful not to go too fast or we lose the other person.

3. Consistency: This is the single ingredient needed for trust to take root. This is when the words and actions match over time. There is no short cut. Time is absolutely necessary; you cannot speed things up! 

4.Courage: This is the stage when you develop courage. When the person continues to prove to you they are trustworthy through consistency, and you have the courage, then you are ready to move forward to the next stage.

5. Commitment: This is the stage in a romantic relationship where you slip a ring on that person’s finger. You are sure this is the person you want to be with and are committed to this person.

6. Comfort: Comfort is the place where you are truly comfortable and feel safe. This is the last stage, the bull’s eye of the concentric circle. In this stage you can be truly vulnerable and know the other person has got your back. Some times marriages, best friends never reach this stage. There are a lot of reasons why people don’t get to this stage.

There you have it!  What stage is your relationships? Are you struggling with a particular stage and need help?Perhaps consider getting professional help. You are welcome to give me a call and see if I can help you. If I am not, I am happy to give you some referrals. All the best to you!

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