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Create Lasting Affection

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Create Lasting Affection

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Welcome to Lasting Affection!

Mental health wellness, news, and information



Closing Albany Office May 31, 2019!



Donate your Motorhome for Paradise Camp Fire Victims

I am so saddened that so many people have lost their loved ones, homes, pets, and valued belongings. If you have a motorhome or know of someone who does and are willing to donate it, call my friend Rich Kinney on the flier. Please click Motorhome Donation for more information on how to donate in the flier.



Stage Three: Consistency

Consistency is the stage where trust is made. There is no shortcut and no test available to learn whether the person you are dating is worthy of your trust. Trust must be developed through consistent behaviors that create safety and security in the relationship. When you break someone’s trust, you bring insecurity into the relationship. You must repair immediately and discontinue the behavior. However, after repair you may feel that the relationship has taken a step backwards to stage two again. Why?

There's a unique relationship that we need to understand about forgiveness and trust. In couple relationships, the one who breaks trust may experience that their offense is forever held against them even after they repair and have been forgiven. What they don’t understand is that trust must be earned. Forgiveness may be given, but trust cannot be given. Forgiveness is needed before someone can start to trust again because forgiveness is the beginning point of building trust. Without forgiveness trust cannot be rebuilt.

Consistency in behavior is not only about earning someone’s trust after you have broken it. Consistent behavior through time will show you the person’s “true color,” so to speak. Ask yourself, "What does this person's actions tell me? Does it give me the green light to trust or does it give me pause to reconsider?" Don't rush further into the relationship until you’ve seen consistent behaviors when with friends, family, at work and other contexts. In other words, this person needs to have integrity in the public arena and in private with you. Through their consistent behaviors, you will know whether you can trust a little more each time. 


Stage Two : Caution

Notice that I skipped posting Stage One: Connection. This is the stage where you meet someone and you just "click" with them. It feels so right; conversations flow naturally; and the feelings that arises are amazing!

After that comes Stage Two: Caution. "Caution," because you need to take it slow as you're learning who this person is and how you are with this person. The time you spend together is with the intention to learn about his/her relationships with their family, friends, and co-workers. What is this person's temperament like? Is this a safe person? Is this person truly interested in you and care about you? 

We are all on our best behavior when we first meet someone because our hormones are at work, but over time the hormones will die down. Take time to learn about yourself in relationship with this person. Do you like this person, or do you like your fantasy or the potential of this person? How do you both resolve conflicts and do you repair well or do you just avoid conflicts by giving this person hundreds of excuses?

I don't believe in "Love at first sight." It rarely happens. The intimacy that we all desire only comes from getting to know each other over time, in different circumstances, through many tests and challenges that life has to offer. Slow down the pace. Don't go too fast emotionally and physically. When you go too fast too soon, you may end up with regrets and when you do want to slow down, it will be hard to do so. Take it slow; continue the relationship with caution.



Stages of Trust


I am finally settled in beautiful Alameda and love my office! Thank you everyone for being so patient with me as I am adjusting and have a myriad of things to do to successfully move my practice. In recent months, I noticed a commmon theme that keeps coming up with my clients in their relationships, issues around TRUST!

In all Relationships the most important thing relationships must have is trust. Without trust, relationships cannot grow. Without trust, there is fear, and where there is fear, love goes in hiding. Dave Willis, founder of Stronger Marriages, describes six stages relationships must go through to develop enduring trust. Trust happens in stages. Picture a target with six concentric circles, with the outer circle as stage one and the bull’s eye as stage six.

1.Connection: This is when we have chemistry on the first date or first time meeting the person. “We just click.” When we have it, we go to stage 2.

2. Caution: In this stage we go in the relationship with caution. You must be careful not to go too fast or we lose the other person.

3. Consistency: This is the single ingredient needed for trust to take root. This is when the words and actions match over time. There is no short cut. Time is absolutely necessary; you cannot speed things up! 

4.Courage: This is the stage when you develop courage. When the person continues to prove to you they are trustworthy through consistency, and you have the courage, then you are ready to move forward to the next stage.

5. Commitment: This is the stage in a romantic relationship where you slip a ring on that person’s finger. You are sure this is the person you want to be with and are committed to this person.

6. Comfort: Comfort is the place where you are truly comfortable and feel safe. This is the last stage, the bull’s eye of the concentric circle. In this stage you can be truly vulnerable and know the other person has got your back. Some times marriages, best friends never reach this stage. There are a lot of reasons why people don’t get to this stage.

There you have it!  What stage is your relationships? Are you struggling with a particular stage and need help?Perhaps consider getting professional help. You are welcome to give me a call and see if I can help you. If I am not, I am happy to give you some referrals. All the best to you!