Create Lasting Affection

in your marriage

 

Create Lasting Affection

with your Family

Create Lasting Affection

in your interpersonal relationships

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Welcome to Lasting Affection!

Mental health wellness, news, and information


 

Monday
Aug262019

Welcome to my Alameda office!

Greetings from my Alameda office! I have been in my Alameda office full-time for almost three months and some are still asking about Albany office. I am sorry that I have failed to update my website until today. Thank you to many of my patients who have decided to continue their work with me in beautiful Alameda. Some have come early to their appointments and some have stayed after to see the beautiful view. Take a walk along the water and feel the breeze, smell the fresh air, and take in the beauty of the Alameda Marina. Here is a view from the hallway to the restrooms!

 


Monday
Apr012019

Closing Albany Office May 31, 2019!

 

Friday
Nov162018

Donate your Motorhome for Paradise Camp Fire Victims

I am so saddened that so many people have lost their loved ones, homes, pets, and valued belongings. If you have a motorhome or know of someone who does and are willing to donate it, call my friend Rich Kinney on the flier. Please click Motorhome Donation for more information on how to donate in the flier.

 

Friday
Dec152017

Stage Three: Consistency

Consistency is the stage where trust is made. There is no shortcut and no test available to learn whether the person you are dating is worthy of your trust. Trust must be developed through consistent behaviors that create safety and security in the relationship. When you break someone’s trust, you bring insecurity into the relationship. You must repair immediately and discontinue the behavior. However, after repair you may feel that the relationship has taken a step backwards to stage two again. Why?

There's a unique relationship that we need to understand about forgiveness and trust. In couple relationships, the one who breaks trust may experience that their offense is forever held against them even after they repair and have been forgiven. What they don’t understand is that trust must be earned. Forgiveness may be given, but trust cannot be given. Forgiveness is needed before someone can start to trust again because forgiveness is the beginning point of building trust. Without forgiveness trust cannot be rebuilt.

Consistency in behavior is not only about earning someone’s trust after you have broken it. Consistent behavior through time will show you the person’s “true color,” so to speak. Ask yourself, "What does this person's actions tell me? Does it give me the green light to trust or does it give me pause to reconsider?" Don't rush further into the relationship until you’ve seen consistent behaviors when with friends, family, at work and other contexts. In other words, this person needs to have integrity in the public arena and in private with you. Through their consistent behaviors, you will know whether you can trust a little more each time. 

Tuesday
Nov212017

Stage Two : Caution

Notice that I skipped posting Stage One: Connection. This is the stage where you meet someone and you just "click" with them. It feels so right; conversations flow naturally; and the feelings that arises are amazing!

After that comes Stage Two: Caution. "Caution," because you need to take it slow as you're learning who this person is and how you are with this person. The time you spend together is with the intention to learn about his/her relationships with their family, friends, and co-workers. What is this person's temperament like? Is this a safe person? Is this person truly interested in you and care about you? 

We are all on our best behavior when we first meet someone because our hormones are at work, but over time the hormones will die down. Take time to learn about yourself in relationship with this person. Do you like this person, or do you like your fantasy or the potential of this person? How do you both resolve conflicts and do you repair well or do you just avoid conflicts by giving this person hundreds of excuses?

I don't believe in "Love at first sight." It rarely happens. The intimacy that we all desire only comes from getting to know each other over time, in different circumstances, through many tests and challenges that life has to offer. Slow down the pace. Don't go too fast emotionally and physically. When you go too fast too soon, you may end up with regrets and when you do want to slow down, it will be hard to do so. Take it slow; continue the relationship with caution.